It is not where you start, it is where you finish

Buenos Aires is so beautiful and the weather has been in the 70-80 F and cool in the evening.
My boss decided his asthma was too bad to sight see with me (due to the smog that is lingering here). Last night he gave me his business credit card and told me to go to the concierge to set up a tango lesson and have some fun. I was placed in a nice car that drove me to the Temple of Tango as it's known, El Viejo Almacén. It was truly a tourist destination. I was seated at a common table with other visitors and we were served a delicious dinner and watched the dancers. I asked when I was going to get my lesson. I was informed that after the dinner and the show the instructors would come out and lessons were included. The dancers were amazing the room dripped with sexual energy and I wanted to jump the guy sitting next to me. He was a hot Italian businessman but his uni-brow and extremely thick teeth threw me off a bit. From a distance he was gorgeous just like me !!! He kept staring at my breasts. They still look good and I am proud of them so I didn't mind I actually felt sexy!!
The moment of truth.......
The show was over and espresso served. The instructors assembled, men on the left and women on the right. I got one of the hottest teachers due to my younger age as I could walk faster than the others. Most of my fellow diners were over 60 and quite saggy!!! I was all set to get hot and heavy with the Tango as my excuse until Matias opened his beautiful mouth. Oh God the stench that flowed from his gut was like a dead raccoon rotting on the side of the road in the middle of summer. His breath made me throw up slightly in my mouth and you all know from reading my previous entries that my nose is very sensitive. So now add bile to the mix and you can guess I did not have such a good time. I guess eating all of that meat and thowing off millions of ketones affects the breath. This is one of the few times in my life I wish I couldn't smell. I tried to breath through my mouth only but it didn't work. I suffered through a few steps and claimed that I was too drunk to continue. I planned on getting a pitcher of Sangria as soon as I left the place. When he smiled and told me that he was free for the rest of the night I headed straight for the exit. I walked back to my hotel trying to get the stench out of my nose as I scolded it for being too sensitive. Bad Nose Bad Nose.

Well I will be getting on a plane at 10pm EST to head off to the land of Tango and Meat!
My little one is mad at me because I will be gone for one week aso I will be back in time for her birthday next Saturday. The time difference is only one hour so I won't have to worry about jet lag. I am sad, I don't want to leave my daughter. I am beginning to think that I have grown too attached. I used to travel so much when she was very little. I missed her then but this is different. Maybe our bond has grown stronger since we can communicate and share with each other.
I don't think I will tango or do anything fun because I will probably be on the phone running up a huge bill calling her while I eat room service. Will update if anything interesting happens I promise no more whining

I have been suffering with Hashimoto’s disease for about one year and I know it has been longer but it took quite awhile to get diagnosed. The reason for the delay was insensitive cruel doctors that treated me like less than a human because I was obese. I was never overweight until about three years ago when I started gaining more and more weight. I didn’t change my eating habits or stop exercising and I began to worry what was going on. I went on starvation diets etc. When I started falling asleep at my desk and couldn’t wake up in the morning I knew something was going on. Then my hair started falling out in clumps and I really started to panic. My best friend did reflexology on me and told me something was wrong with my thyroid. I kind of thought she was being kind blaming my girth on glands to make me feel better. I was referred to an endocrinologist by my primary doctor and he said, “You are morbidly obese, stop eating and you will get your energy back, there is nothing wrong with you.” He never ran any tests. He said my hair falling out was for a dermatologist to deal with. I went to a dermatologist and was told that there was nothing wrong and I needed to lose weight. I wanted to scream I know I am a fat cow but I don’t know why I can’t lose weight and why I feel so awful all the time. I was in such despair hating myself for being a failure until I met my acupuncturist. He was also an MD and he treated me like a human being not a fat worthless loser. He ordered a ton of tests and I was finally diagnosed after my body attacked and destroyed half of my thyroid. I had zero T3 and T4 (which basically fuel your metabolism). When Dr Steuber told me that I had a true medical issue and that was the cause of my weight gain, fatigue, and hair loss I broke down and cried. He started prescribing different doses of hormone replacements and four months ago. I think I am finally getting the right dose now. I still sometimes get raging fevers at night but my hair has grown in and I havelost 53 pounds (without even trying!!!) I will never forget the way I was treated and I have new found empathy for those people out there that can not lose the weight. I never judged anyone for the way they looked because as I have said before in many of my posts I am no beauty. The saddest thing is when you are fat, you are invisible, and when people do see you they look down on you like you are less of a person. Now at my job people I never had dealings with are approaching me in the hallway and telling me how wonderful I look and what am I doing. I want to say thanks I am glad you approve and I am acceptable now. It just makes me appreciate the friends, loved ones and colleagues who always respected me and saw past my layers of fat.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to possible contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

THE RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are often unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
your assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Let me start off by saying that I am behind the times when it comes to cell phones. My cell phone does not have a camera or access to the internet. It has simple numbers to dial like the original touch tone phones you plug into the wall. I have only two ring options. There are a few people in my life that used to talk to me and have conversations with me but now I guess I have fallen to their D list because they have reduced me to random texts here and there. Sometimes these texts require a response and in the beginning if my thumb was too tired to peck out a tedious response I would simple call the person to give them the answer. I would even leave a voice mail. They never picked up my calls and I know that they had their phone with them. It didn’t matter what the time of the day it was so the free minutes argument doesn’t hold water. I guess they have decided they just do not speak to me anymore. My insecurity starts in and the following thoughts go through my head: Is my voice offensive? Do I talk too much? Am I boring? I then get grounded and centered and remember that I am a good friend and I have many people that enjoy my conversations and look to me for a sympathetic ear. So the clods that have reduced me to text only can take their phones and their fancy keyboards and shove them up their a**. I don’t need to be talked at. If you want to contact me in the future call me.
Is it just me?? Has anyone else experienced the text only phenomenon??

Lately it seems everytime I go to an event where my daughter is singing with the children's choir I can not make it through the concert without tears streaming down my face and ruining my makeup. I am so grateful for my little one and so proud. I feel like my heart is going to explode with love sometimes and maybe the tears are the overflow valve. All of the children's little voices in song sound like a choir of angels to me and their tiny smiles when we clap for them just pushes me over the edge. I guess I am turning into a real sap as I age. Sometimes I am so embarassed. Do they sell pills that prevent tears??
I came across the picture that is now my blog avatar as I was cleaning out my computer of my Lizzy when she was 4 years old. She was so adorable that day on an open air train in the Amish Country. Sigh......they grow up too fast.

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided
to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the
store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven.
She removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, inserted it into the
turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back
in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey
out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her
serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little
bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed,
'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!' At the reality of this
horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two
hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!

My poor brother who is an amazing carpenter got his thigh sliced open while working on a roof. Thanks to the freezing temperatures and the heat of the saw blade he didn’t bleed to death. He did have to have major surgery to re-attach the tendons and muscles and close the 30 cm gash. He can not move and needs to be still for 8 weeks. His wife works from 5:30 am – 7:30 pm and can not care for him and the dogs and he doesn’t have a bathroom on his first floor. Guess who volunteered!! My father refused because of the dogs so I agreed because I love my brother more than my basement floor. My basement is finished so they can live there for the next two months. It’s not that I don’t love Frankie, Ailee, and Stewie; I just can not stand the smell of them. (As I smell things for a living so I am super sensitive.) I also need to factor in the fact that my cat Lily tries to kill them when they come over. One time Lily cornered poor Ailee who thought if she didn’t look at the cat she wouldn’t be seen. It was so sad to see her shake I had to grab Lily before she clawed the little dear one. To make them feel more at home I will move Chi Chi my chinchilla to the basement because Frankie is in love with her. They stare at each other for hours through the cage and Chi Chi makes the cutest sounds it’s simply adorable. Out come the white sheets to cover the furniture to prepare for the arrival of my family. My daughter dragged out her tea set and many other dolls so she can take advantage of her uncle that can’t move. She heard a rumor that he used to play dolls with me when we are children. I hope he doesn’t forget how to put on the tiny shoes!!!!

I am heading off to Buenos Aires for business after the holidays here.
There is a supplier that needs to get audited because we are finding lots of strange contaminations in their products. Thank God I am not a vegetarian or I would starve to death in the land of steaks. Last time I was there all I could find was meat, meat and more meat. I was looked at in horror when I was at a famous Asados (barbeque) place and had the nerve to ask if I could have some greens and a potato. My Spanish is quite good so I wondered at the looks until my colleague explained this is not the city for salads and potatoes. Many pitchers of Sangria were consumed because that is the only way I was able to get fresh fruit!! So I went on a red wine red meat binge for two weeks. It took a toll and I had to do the master cleanse for 15 days when I came home just to feel normal again. I did have so much fun that last trip 7 years ago because my lover who was my colleague also was with me in Buenos Aires. After our meetings and audits we danced and made love all night every night of the trip.
This trip we be all business as I will be with my boss. He looks like Kenny Rogers and a Yeti combined. He is grouchy and a terrible asthmatic. The weird thing is the travel center booked our hotel rooms in the same hotel I stayed in my last trip. What are the odds?? I hope I don’t get the same suite!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks..
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects , cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money
for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child
to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function..
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must
shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if.... ...he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!